Allowed

I put myself in a position where I allowed myself to get caught up in something that isn't real. I allowed myself to go against everything that I said I wouldn't let happen and yet it did. I allowed myself to wear egg on my face and hurt on my heart or atleast what's left of it. I allowed someone to come into my life and change it without warning. Yet I didn't allow myself to let enough oxygen to get to my brain so I could think clearly. What a foolish mistake I've made what a foolish thing I have done. All I ever wanted was to be allowed to give all the love I have to offer be able to heal your pain past , present , and future. I allowed you to enter my thoughts and change my way of thinking just not for the better.

                  I allowed you to steal my heart to have as a trophy to prove this game you've won.  I allowed myself to give into you , when you couldn't want me any less. They say your body is a temple and I've allowed you to burn mine to the ground mentality, physically, and emotionally. I've allowed myself to become a woman unknown

For tonight

I can have the shower running when you walk through the door. I can have a hot meal on the table and the house spotless.I cooked all your favorite things steak shrimp basil potatoes with broccoli and dinner rolls red velvet cake to finish it off.I can rub your back because I know you had a long day.I can turn the ringer on my phone down and show you , you are alpha. I can listen to your every word as you tell me your hopes and dreams.
     I can light candles and let the aroma therapy calm your nerves.I  can put on that little black thing you like with the matching panties.I can ride you like a porn star until you wimper like a child.I can bring you a warm towel and light your  cigarette. I can be the woman you dream of the one you want to meet your mother.I can be your total package but only for tonight.

8-19-14

I hurt for my past I neglect my presence. My cup is empty yet my hate is full.The more I wanna win the more I lose the more I love the colder I become. I morn my life and rejoice  my death I fade to ash until theres nothing left.

Love

Love is going to bed alone at night
Its the empty space where he said he'd be.love is checking your phone to see if he's in your call log your text inbox or maybe even your email,funny thing he's not there. Love is broken promises with empty hopes and dreams. Love is knowing you deserve better but to him you cling. Love
       Love is that pain in your chest that sadness in your heart and that dullness in your brain.love is wondering where he is and who he's with. Love is the dirty looks and stares you get from friends and family when he's not around.love

     Love is forgetting who you are to be who he want you to be instead. Love is giving up your life to him just for him to continue living his love is the act of acting like your not hurt. Love

Naive little girl

   I've swam in the river of Jordan to cleanse my soul I've searched for answers I've already known.just to be stripped down to nothing a naive little girl wishing to change the past and hoping for a imaginary future. I'm addicted to your touch your love or lack there of has become my addiction.
    You whisper sweet nothings that are as sour as lemons and Tequila. Yet your lips are sweet as honey. Your touch is tantalizing and when we finish I shiver with shame.I know I shouldn't , I can't resist . hearing you call my name is sweet as sugar but your tongue drips a poisonous Venum you shall be my downfall.
     You tell beautiful lies to hide your ugly truth. You strip me down to nothing a naive little girl. My body is codependent on yours and you smile as I drown in a pool of lust. You are a drug my addiction. I know your wrong but you make it feel right looking through lust filled eyes. Even though you don't love me.......Being without you I'm stripped down to nothing a naive little girl

Imagination

          I think about you daily even though your never there. I always wear a smile when I pretend you care. I hold on to your voice it dances in my ears. I see your face as I walk it makes me strong to face my fears.
          My imagination runs wild as my heart calls out your name. The fact that your not mine is driving me insane.
          As I lay awake at night I can feel you as you caress my inner thigh as you make your way to the division of womanhood. Waves crashing against your finger as to touch my inner most secret. My body cries for you.. yet my cries go unanswered your no where to be found and again my imagination runs wild.
               Days turns into nights as I watch the seasons change. What was once a loud echo is now a whisper in the rain I call out for you and the answer is the same. I'm lost and alone and my imagination is to blame 

My truth

I've loved and I've lost and I'm learning to let my past be a teacher and not a hindrance. To be proud of the woman I'm becoming and let go of what I can't change. Relationships included I'm hurt from things that happened but greatful because now I know what I will and will not stand for. What a real king is and how a Queen should be treated. I'm learning that in order to be happy one must understand and be happy within ones self.

  I'm learning to understand everything happen for a reason and its up to me to place good vibrations into the world so that they can generate back to me.being one with the earth and one with a higher spirit help bring clearity and peace. I know I'm a prize to be won beautiful inside and out loyal cook , clean, and a true mother but I also know I'm only a prize to a deserving king. For that I will wait until the stars Aline and shine there light on my truth. My faith my king my healing.

The invisible girl

The invisible girl has no face , she has no voice she sees no sight she's born
With no eyes .she's an invisible spirit a friend with no name.she bleeds from pain her heart is broken she slowly dies.a painful dagger goes through her heart every time she's ignored every time she yearns to be loved

Day into night

As the day ends and turned in tonight I try to understand all the feelings that are kicked around inside . I try to understand why I hurt and why I hurt others but my answers always fall short and my cries fall upon death ears. I wonder why I'm alone to fight in this war. The battle is lost and I don't know if I can take anymore and the day turned into night I'm a whisper without a breath.I'm endless sleep without rest. Just when I thought I had it right everybody left. I'm forced to go alone.and as day turns into night I fight to find my way home.

Angel from afar

God blessed us with a angel she loves us from afar.she was with us for a short time but always in our hearts.she was called back to heaven because God needed her more. We're glad she's at peace and back at heavens door.

God blessed us with a angel she watches us everyday she watches as we sleep she watches us as we pray.she fills any room with her presence and all our hearts we love.she teaches us about kindness and all this from above.

God blessed us with a two angels in the form of twins.we watched them fight for there lives logan helped her sister win.she let her stay here with us to try to soften the blow to help us understand why she had to go.

God blessed us with a angel she loves us from afar.No matter how far away she is she's always in our hearts.

Bi racial relationships

Bi racial relationships.... there has always been a stigma about biracial relationships in the black community a lot of my male friends who are black feel its not a " good look" for black women to date white men but its OK for them to date white and Hispanic women why is that? Isn't it bad enough we have to deal white the glares and stares of non understanding white people why help to tare us down? Why isn't it OK for a woman to love who she loves regardless of race? Is it because black men feel its OK to have what a white man "HAS" but not OK for them to have what you've "HAD"?

Sometimes I feel its a macho thing and very childish. Because a lot of black men idealize light skin skinny women with straight hair. Which is not the true essence of a black woman. Crazy right ...right ...yet there are a lot of white men who love dark skin curves and kinky curly hair. I don't judge either to each is own. I just feel it should be OK to love who you love.

Me personally I've dated black men and white men and I've learned flesh is flesh and a man is a man .you can be happy either way or hurt either way. Just my take ....�� xoxo k.starr

Father

Father , Father, Father
       I come calling your name I'm asking for your forgiveness help me clear my name. Please help lift my spirits and help to lift this pain. I wanna be reborn I don't wanna sin again. Please lift me with your hands and give me the strength. I'm calling out to you please help me see this through. For I say amen and the glory I give you